Lost Facade

Chapter 6

A week after my suicidal mission in the backyard nothing went back to normal. Neither Matt nor Anthony believed that this was because of my own doing. They blamed Marcus, which troubled me greatly. Anthony finally gave in against my reasoning and befriended his brother. Matt, however, never stayed in a room with Marcus or I no longer than to catch a glimpse of us then walk back out. The only thing that had gone back to normal was Marcus and I was rarely ever in the same room again. After what had perspired between the both of us just a few days ago, neither of us I believe could face each other. 

I had expected to wake up and find that Mr. Penbrook ran from our house in fear of what I had done. He shocked me though by coming back every day at noon. He would stay until dinner, and sometimes Anthony would talk him into staying even longer. Mr. Penbrook did as I asked him though. He would spend his time with me until Anthony got home from school and then turn his attention towards tutoring Anthony.

Taking into account everyone’s attitude I had put up my façade once more. To everyone around it seemed as though I was getting better, but in fact I was still dying. Refusing any medication given to me and ripping out the IV in which they stuck in me when I had fainted didn't help. Little did everyone, including Marcus know that I continued trying to rip Blythe out of me without his help. It was tearing apart my insides literally which is what caused my condition in the first place. I was just hoping to find a way to complete this without going into septic shock and dying.

I was on the brink of going over the edge into what I thought was my most brilliant idea when Anthony broke into my thoughts sending everything scattering away. “Mum!”

“What?” I questioned now taking notice of all the cashews sprinkled around me. There were also tiny balls of paper and a large one made out of a whole sheet of paper as well as Anthony’s favorite vice, a toothpick. I picked it up and looked at it, “Really, you started this again?”

My mum mood broke down when I noticed Anthony sitting next to Mr. Penbrook who was at the head of the table. “Ben wants to know if you have the rough draft of your English paper finished.”

I started filing through the papers in front of me until I realized that I had the finished copy that was typed and bound in my room. I had it completed less than three days after the teacher had first given us the assignment two months ago. It wasn't that I wanted to rush getting it done. I just found that it was a great way to keep my mind busy, until it was complete. Even after I continued my research on my subject, but with a few simple thoughts I added in everything else that needed to be there.

I pulled the final copy out of my stack of papers and slid it across the table. Mr. Penbrook looked amazed, “This isn't the rough draft.”

“No,” I answered, and then it hit me again. My brilliant idea shot through me instantly. “Anthony, do you have a mirror?”

Anthony seemed confused now as he took the bound papers and handed them to Mr. Penbrook. “Of course, don’t you?”

“Um, no, don’t.” The answer was right there in front of me the entire time. I didn't have to rip him out of me. I just had to pull him out of the reflection, or let him come out himself and then shove him into the crystal. It was perfect. All I needed was a mirror. “Can I borrow yours?”

“You don’t have a mirror at all?” Mr. Penbrook leaned in on the table now engrossed in the conversation. “Why?”

Anthony looked at me strangely, “Yeah, why?”

“Mr. Penbrook.”

“Ben, please.”

“Ben,” I readdressed him, “When you were a kid did you ever play Bloody Mary with a candle and a mirror?”

Mr. Penbrook ran his hand down his jaw bone while he thought. “Yes, I guess I did.”

“I don’t have a mirror,” I turned towards Anthony, “because I was tired of someone always being inside of it. Kind of like the Bloody Mary thing. It kind of freaks you out.”

“She’s not going to flip out again is she?” Mr. Penbrook made me laugh as he questioned Anthony.

Anthony chuckled as well, but then he grew serious. “No, this is her, but I think she would do well enough to remember to keep a lid on it with company here.”

“Oh, just like you did not more than two minutes ago.” I tried not to glare or even get mad. “Mr. Penbrook…”

“Ben.”

I sighed, “Ben, there are secrets in this house that you don’t want to even comprehend so anything out of the ordinary I suggest you just turn your ear the other way and forget whatever you heard.”

“Does that include my eyes when something just appears in front of them as well?” Ben was, I think, wearing out his welcome.

Anthony slid his chair back and got up, “I think that is my cue to go get ready.”

“Get ready for what?” He turned my attention quickly to another subject, and perhaps it was for the better.

“Tonight is the prom.” Ben answered for him.

“Prom?”
            “Yes, it is this big old thing in school where you get dressed up, take your date out for a nice dinner, and then dance all night.” Anthony started joking. “You are looking a lot better. You should come.”

“No,” My answer came before I could even think it. “I don’t do school dances and you know that.”

“Yeah, but I’ll be there.” Anthony tried to plead with me.

I sighed and thought about it for a moment. “No, I’m not risking someone weird showing up. I might come down and get some pictures of you and Trinity though. If you don’t mind because I know you probably won’t come back here before you go.”

“Well, I was hoping that I could talk you into going.” Anthony leaned against the back of his chair looking at me, but then I saw a flash of what he would think was brilliant in his eyes, “I know. Benno here could keep you company until we get back.”

In defiance I shook my head. I didn't dare look at Ben to see his reaction, but he must have agreed with me. His back came into my view with Anthony as he told him that it wasn't a good idea. Anthony with his eyes firmly placed on me answered. “I don’t want to leave her here alone. Both Matt and I are going tonight, and Marc is in Paris for the weekend.”
            “Paris?” I never cared what Marcus did, but never before had he went so far away. “Why is he in Paris?”

“He said he was going to see an old friend. That is all he said and then he left.” Anthony turned his attention to Ben. “I swear Trinity and I will be back at midnight. Plus, you said yourself last night that you didn't have any plans.”

“Great, so now I need a babysitter.” I argued. Tonight would have been perfect for me to be alone. I would have enjoyed a night without everyone in the house. I could have easily pull Blythe out and thrown him into the ball with no one even noticing.

I felt like a throwing a fit, but then I was an adult, more than capable of taking care of myself. I was better than a kid just throwing a tantrum, but I had made it quite clear that I was not happy. Anthony, I was sure, could have talked both of us into it with his powers, and I was surprised that he didn't. Instead he left us at the table to get ready, both in irritated moods.

“If you want my opinion,” Mr. Penbrook started.

“If I wanted it I would ask for it!” I glared across the table.

He carefully began shifting the papers in front of him mumbling to himself. I ignored his ranting and tried to think of a way out of this. When Anthony started coming back down the stairs, it came to me. I looked in his direction even though I couldn’t see him just yet, “Anthony, I think I’ll just go to Pap’s tonight.”

“No,” Mr. Penbrook just broke my heart. “I told Anthony that I would stay here with you.”

I growled at him, “I thought you were with me on this whole thing.”

Anthony graced us with his presence, and it immediately caved me in. I found my way to him and moved one strand of hair that had fallen from his pony tail away from his face. “God, you look like your dad.”

“Mum,” Anthony whispered glancing between Mr. Penbrook and me.

“Alright,” I smiled and kissed him on the cheek. “Go have fun. Just get me some pictures.”

Mr. Penbrook walked over and placed his hand on Anthony’s shoulder, “Good luck.”

“Have her make you Chicken Agnolotti.” Anthony grinned, “It is magnifico.”

Stomping my foot I brought Anthony’s attention back to me, “I've never…”

“You’ll do fine, trust me.” Anthony gave me a hug and then stood back placing one hand on each of our shoulders. “I couldn’t ask for two better people than you two send me off tonight.”

After we had sent Anthony I left Mr. Penbrook in the dining room as I went to the kitchen to cook as much as I could using my powers. I had never made anything by hand before. This was going to be a first for me. As I walked through the doorway everything was already out of the table starting itself. Over half of the ingredients were in the blender and the dough was rolling itself out.

“Ashley,” Mr. Penbrook’s voice called from the doorway frightening me. I rushed over and took the knife cutting the chicken into slices in my hand to at least make it look like I was doing it. Quickly I put the dough into a bowl and was completely ready to face him once he walked in. “Listen, I’m sorry about all of this. Wow, look at you.”

“What?” I inquired as I sliced through the chicken again this time taking the knife through the tip of my index finger. I cursed and threw the knife down. Mr. Penbrook rushed over to help me, but I grabbed the hand towel next to me and wrapped it up. His eyes might have led him to my assistance, but in the end all he saw was my blood scorching where it landed on the raw chicken. I threw it into the garbage and looked to Mr. Penbrook. “Remember what I said about hearing things, yes, it does go for seeing as well.”

“Consider it forgotten as soon as I walk out that front door, but,” I hated buts. “Could you tell me exactly what that was?”

I picked up the knife and threw it into the sink. I wanted to ignore his question so I started walking around the island and past him. His hand caught my wrist bringing my hand wrapped in the towel to view. “I understand why the doctor was so concerned about you bleeding now, but you must tell me.”

“Curiosity killed the cat, and if you are not careful, it might kill you to.” I hoped threatening his life would end his questioning. “I would suggest that you leave the kitchen and me alone for the night.”

Mr. Penbrook left the kitchen without another word. As soon as he was out the door I quickly put up a barrier excluding him from seeing or entering into the kitchen. I felt safer this way even if I had to spend the rest of the night in here. The rest of dinner began finishing itself.

I sat down a bowl on the table beside Mr. Penbrook’s book, “Bon appetit.”

Starting back to the kitchen Mr. Penbrook spoke, “Ashley, can I ask you a personal question?”

“No.” I sighed and started walking again.

“Do you know Ashley Daisher?”

My heart stopped along with my feet. I wanted to deny everything, but I needed to know what brought his question about. Slowly I turned around to face him. Turning the book he was looking at for me to see I found myself wandering back to the table. Sitting down I looked over the book and right away I had recognized it. My fifth grade school picture was staring at me from inside surrounded by the rest of my classmates. Down near the bottom of the page was my handwriting. ‘Hey, don’t ever forget me. Ashley.’

“Which one is she?” I hated lying.

“That’s her.” He pointed to my picture, and then his finger went down another row, “That’s me.”

I read the name below his picture, ‘Benno Penbrook.’ Everything flew back into my mind as I ran my fingers over top my writing. I had quickly scribbled it down then kissed him on the cheek before running away to Kate. It was his last day at our school because his parents were sending him to a private school.

Suddenly another year book passed in front of my eyes. He flipped through several pages until he landed on the senior pictures. “I was curious to see what she looked like in her last year of school so I had my dad mail this to me, but she wasn't in it. While I was trying to get the yearbook from the year before I was going through some of the pages when I found this.”

He skipped a few pages to one he had marked. Before me was Kate, Josh, Mindy, Matt and I sitting at lunch. I wanted to cry. I didn't know if it was because he found out so much about me, or the idea of seeing their faces again. “I recognized something quite odd and familiar about this one so I went back and found Matt’s picture. I asked my dad if he had heard anything about Ashley and her dad moving. He said that her father still lived in the same house, but he couldn't remember what happened to Ashley. The next day he called me back. He read to me her obituary saying that she had died while giving birth.

At first I thought you might have been her daughter, but he continued saying that she survived by a son Anthony and her father. A son, not a daughter. That is where I had gotten really confused, but then it all started filling in. I looked at the picture longer and realized that she never died.

Just to make sure that I was correct in my assumptions I went to the school yesterday morning before coming here and I pulled Anthony’s record. Inside I found a copy of his birth certificate. Guess who his mother was listed as, Ashley Daisher. I was almost sure that I had this entire thing figured out, but the father’s name was not who I had expected.”

I was drowning in my own story from his eyes as I dropped mine back down to the picture of us at the table. “You expected Matt, didn't you?”

“Well, they hold the same last name at this school and it is almost uncanny how much they look alike. Anthony has something he doesn't though.” Ben lifted my chin, “He has your eyes, Ashley.”

I closed my eyes and squeezed out the tears. “Matt is his brother not his father.”

Ben was quiet for sometime while he began shutting up the yearbooks and placing them back into his bag. I didn't know quite what to do now. Never before has someone found me that knew me from the past. “I don’t want to know how or why. I just wanted to know if you were the same Ashley that told me never to forget her.”

“I am not.” I was able to at least admit that much. “That Ashley died nearly eighteen years ago.”

“Really?”

I nodded without looking up at him again. I was afraid of him now. Afraid of what he would do now. Afraid of who he would tell.

“There’s Daisher, and Dancer, and Prancer, and Vixen, Comet, and Cupid, and Donner, and Blizten, but do you recall the most famous red-head of all?” Ben began singing and I could almost hear the chorus of children behind him. I tried not to smile or blush, but it was impossible. Finally after he had stopped I looked up to see the brilliant smile stretched across his lips. “And she still lights up like Christmas.”

“Shut up.”

“Well, you said you weren't the same Ashley. I’m pretty sure now, that I have the right one.” Ben reached out for me, but I escaped his embrace.

The initial embarrassment left, but my fear still reined over my emotions. “You haven’t told anyone have you?”

“Well, you know,” Ben paused just long enough to make me anxious, “I told everyone I saw today. Which would include nearly everyone at the school, the mail man, a store clerk, and I shouted it to everyone on the street that I had found a thirty six year old woman who technically died eighteen years ago that is masquerading as an seventeen year old high school student. Come on, Ash, who in the world would believe me? I hardly believe it myself.”

“Trust me. It’s real.”

I had expected my tears to stop after the fear had begun fading away. It took me a moment to realize that it was an involuntary reaction from my body responding to the pain that I numbed my mind against. It was the only way that I could maintain the impression that I was indeed getting better. I knew though eventually that my body would start showing the pain it was going through even though I didn't feel it. I technically just ignored the pain mentally, but it was always there.

I nearly toppled out of my chair and Ben reached out to help me, but I threw up my hand stopping him. “No, I might puke.”

Ben protested as he continued towards me, “You obviously need help. I’m sure I can handle…”

“No,” I repeated and before I could get anything else said a force came through my stomach expelling an immense amount of blood all over the floor in front of me. The blood was trailed by a yellow green slim that tasted fouler that anything I have ever had before. My heart rate was rapidly climbing higher and my chest refused to breathe. Everything in my sight began turning black, and I was sure this was my death. Disappointment coursed through me knowing that I had not completed my goal, so this was just a wasted death, a wasted life. I would have to use another to exorcise Blythe’s soul.

“Ash,” His voice came with his fingers gently running down my cheek. My eyes open to reveal cerulean gems gleaming just inches from mine. A black barrier of hair shielded me from whatever world surrounded us. He sighed and closed his eyes. His forehead rested briefly on mine, “I've missed you.”

“Where am I?”

Blythe lifted himself from over top of me revealing that I was still in the dining room. The putrid vile that I had thrown up was still there, but it was deserted except for us. He held out his hand which I took and found myself standing. I didn't have a chance to look around for Ben before Blythe had a hand on each side of my face. His fingers brushed my hair back and then his hands ran down my back. The embrace he held me in was a way I never felt from him before. Did he really miss me this much since I had refused to see him?

            My eyes fell closed as he released me, but his fingers ran rampant over my face as well as his lips. I allowed him this moment to express his adoration. His hands finally found their way to mine and his lips ceased. My eyes opened to see him now standing less than a foot away from me with despair wrought over his entire being. “You have to go back.”

            “Where am I?”

            “Caught somewhere between life and death,” Blue eyes fell into mine releasing his sorrow. “We are caught somewhere in the reflection.”

            He let go of my hands and stepped out of the way to show a reflection in the glass. It was not the scene that I would have guessed. Nowhere inside the mirror was Blythe, and I was not standing. Ben was still rushing to my lifeless body. Time seemed sluggish in the image if it hadn't stopped completely. Ignoring Blythe I walked over and placed my hand on the glass just to see if I could go through. Instead it held me like a prisoner. “How do I get back?”

            “As soon as your heart starts again, your body will take you back.” I realized now that he wasn't telling me that I had to go back earlier. He was telling himself that I couldn't stay.

            I turned around to find Blythe staring in the opposite direction. His head was lowered and his hands were shoved deep into his pockets. “Blythe, why isn't time moving in the reflection?”
            “I stopped it.” Blythe began scuffing his boot off of the blood stain on the floor. “But only for a moment.”

            “You can do that?”

            Blythe sighed, “I can do a lot of things here, except go back.”

            “If you can stop time, why can’t you go back?” I questioned stepping closer to Blythe.

            His hand halting me from getting closer, “If I go back, my power, my life would go back to my body killing Mathieu. I won’t go back Ashley.”

            “Why did you bring me here?”

            When Blythe looked at me I felt as though I was killing him all over again. “I didn't bring you here. Each time you die you come here, but it is only for a moment until your heart starts again. This time I needed longer than a moment. Ash, you are not going to like what I have to say, but I have to say it.”

            “What?” I questioned trying to step forward again this time Blythe halted my entire body.

            I watched as Blythe sighed heavily, “I agree with Marcus, I don’t like this guy. You can’t trust him. Send him away as soon as you go back, I’m begging you.”

            “Are you telling me that the whole reason you kept me here was to send him away?” I argued still unable to move. “I can’t believe you. I've known him since grade school.”

            “You haven’t known him since grade school. Ashley, I've never once opposed any man that you've been with, except this one.” Blythe began walking towards me. “Don’t you find it strange how he recognized you? No one should have been able, especially not one that hasn't seen you for this long, to put it all together that quickly. Don’t trust him and send him back where he came from.”

            “Do you know how much your son cares for him?” I hated the idea that I was fighting with Blythe over something so trivial. I had imagined him putting up a fight when I tried to rid myself of him, but never something like this.

            “I don’t care what he feels for him. I said send him away!” Blythe was now overpowering the room with his authority, but he knew as well as I did that I abhor when he is like this. Had I been able to move, I would have thoroughly punished him for it. If he had given me more time I would have filled his ear with my own thoughts, but he pushed me back.

            Air filled my lungs and my heart beat life into my veins again. Ben was now over top of me and I could see the concern filling him. I smiled and sat myself up as though nothing had happened. That’s was the most wonderful thing about coming back. Each pain or wound was healed and my body was renewed.

            The anger that had been coursing through me while I was with Blythe hadn’t completely dissolved though. It grew even more as I heard the song beginning to play. I remembered this song intimately. It was the first song that he had played once we reached the bar in Bradford. He was playing it then because he was angry at Marcus for what he had done to me. Now he was intending it for Ben.

            I was sure that my quickly disappearing smile and the sudden growl roaring through me that I had scared him more than the song. I had hoped to get to the stereo before the lyrics began, but I wasn’t lucky enough. Blythe had skipped it forward allowing the chorus to scream through the speakers.

            Repeatedly I hit several different buttons, but nothing killed the sound. Finally I ripped it off the shelf and felt confident that it would have stopped. The cord had been yanked completely out of the wall, but it was still blaring through the speakers. I caught a glance of Ben standing in the doorway staring in bewilderment as I threw it to the ground smashing it into a few different pieces. Pleased with myself, I had ended the song and the stereo system.

            Ben looked dumbfounded between the dining room and me. “Do I want to know what just happened?”

            I hadn't thought of it then, but in my rush to stop the music I had disappeared right in front of Ben. The best answer that I could come up with came out quickly, “No, probably not.”

            With Ben’s eyes locked on the stereo busted apart on the floor I collapsed back on the couch. How I hoped that he wouldn't ask questions, but I knew they would come. He lingered in the doorway, but while I was trying to gather all my answers he sat down next to me. “Aside from the evident spoofing, and the whole thing with the stereo, which I don’t think I really even want to know about, what was that in there? Did you just die in there?”

            “Do you want to know the truth or have a glorified lie?” I really hoped he wouldn't want a lie because I didn't know one.

            Ben was quiet and I could see him wondering if he really wanted to know the answer to his question. “How about this, I’ll just assume what happened and if I’m wrong so be it. You know the other day when you said you were dying I had just thought it was a teenage girl being dramatic, but now the picture has undeniably become clearer. Minus the few missing facts which I don’t think I’m quite ready for.”

            “Thank you.” Relief filtered through me as I cleaned the mess on the carpet in the dining room. “Why don’t you eat the Agnolotti that I made? I mean it literally killed me to make it.”

            “Ash,” Ben sighed, “You might be able to handle all of this with little or no qualms, but my stomach is in the middle of doing flips at the moment.”

            I laid my hand on his easing the queasiness that he was feeling, “Go eat and have a moment to yourself, to gather all your emotions and thoughts.”

I watched Ben’s silhouette in the TV screen get up and walk out as Blythe was standing behind us. Blythe’s hand lifted up producing the image that he had a gun. His hand pulled back as though he shot Ben in the back then he turned to me. I was sure that he was glaring, but I could only see his darkened figure there. Blythe’s voice echoed in my heart as I fell back on the couch.

There was no way that I could send Ben away now. If anything I had to keep him close so that he couldn't run and tell anyone everything that I had mistakenly let him see. I could just pull each of his memories and send him away as Blythe wished. Is that what I really wanted though? The thought that I could have someone in my life who knew me for what I really was instead of what I pretended to be didn't thrill me, but the idea did delight me. I could be myself with someone other than Anthony and his brothers. Maybe this is why Blythe was being so overbearing. The thought that I could have someone else other than his sons threatened him.

“That was surprisingly delicious.” Ben walked back into the room. He swiftly lifted my feet up off the couch and sat himself down. Gently he sat them back down over his lap. “So I was thinking while eating.”

“That isn't good.”

Ben smiled, “How can…”

I stopped him right then. “I thought you said you don’t want to know how or why.”

“How can you date? I mean if you date seventeen year old boys don’t you find it, uncouth. You should be dating men that are nearer your true age for just the sake of natural aging. However, if you date men that are older it would be considered publicly a scandal.” Ben tried not to laugh as he spoke, but I caught on to his meaning. “So how do you date?”

“Look Ben, I know where you are going with this, and I hate to break your heart. I don’t date anyone.” I sat up chuckling. “I have arrays of one-nightstands to keep me satisfied. Trust me though right now, you won’t be one of them.”

“I was not meaning that at all.” Ben stiffened up and turned to face me. “It just has to be weird. While I was eating I thought about if I were stuck at your age, I would want someone who could keep me interested, not an eighteen year old girl. Yeah, I mean they are much better looking, but they would still be quite immature. Do you understand now?”

“One of the great many reasons I don’t date.” I laughed, “That and the fact that every man I have dated killed me in one way or another.”

The smile that Ben had disappeared quickly leaving quite a concerned look on his face. “Even Anthony’s father?”

“No,” I grew serious as well. “I killed him.”

“It seems that dating you isn't a good thing for you or the guy.” Ben laughed at my response, “But you did have relationships with men before. Were they your age or the age you appear to be?”

My eyes fell to the floor, “Do you want to know the age they appeared to be or their real age?”

“So they were all just like you?” I nodded. “So is that why your mom took off? I mean was she like you?”

“It isn't hereditary and she didn't take off. She was murdered.” I answered quickly and then I turned the subject, “You understand that if you ever let this pass your lips to anyone I will kill you.”

“Understood,” Ben noted, “So how old is Matt? It is clear in that picture that you two were close in high school, but is he older than you or the same age?”

I ran my hands over my face and breathed in heavily. He had taken my age well enough, but how would he react to them. “Matt is Anthony’s older brother.”

“Yeah, I got that much.”

“He is also Michael’s and Marcus’ older brother as well.” I cringed and waited for his reaction.

“Wait.” Ben held up his hand, “Marcus, Mr. Baine, is younger than Matt? But he is older than both of us. How much older is Matt than Marcus?”

“Four years.”I had to think back to Violet’s book and the dates. I had never really cared to pay attention to the years between them. To me it always seemed as though Michael and Marcus were older because to me they appeared to be. I could see Ben trying to do the math in his head. “Matt is four years older than Michael and Marcus. They are twins.”

Ben’s eyes shot to mine, “Twins, but there are at least twenty years between them.”

“Are you ready for me to really blow your mind?” I waited for Ben to nod before I continued with the biggest part of their ages. “Matt was born in seventeen twenty.”

I waited for Ben to react but instead he just sat there. I could see him carefully calculating. He mumbled to himself a few times before he came right out and spoke. “So you are into older men.”
It seemed as though we both needed a few moments to our own thoughts because the room fell silent for quite some time before Ben spoke again, "Well, I must say I'm not very impressed. You told me not to ever forget you, but you don't remember me."

Yes, but if you remember correctly you also told me that you would call when you came home for holiday breaks.” I declared shoving him back away from me. “I didn’t receive one.”

Ben ran his fingers over his beard, and chuckled to himself. “I guess that would be my fault.”

“Do you care to explain why?”

Ben let his eyes fall from mine. “It almost sounds silly to say it now, but I was afraid to. I had called other friends and they all made fun of me. I had gotten braces. Well, in truth my teenage years treated me a lot differently than you. Where you flourished in beauty I reeked in hideousness. First were the braces, then glasses, and last acne, which lasted until I was in college. Well, needless to say, I am glad that I wasn't stuck at eighteen like you.”

This time I leaned in and for the first time I touched the short hair sprouting out from a man’s face. One time years ago I had a chance to feel just stubble growing from Blythe's face. This was longer and courser than his. “You definitely are something worth looking at now.”

Ben’s hand covered mine pushing my skin closer to his face. “Thank you.”

“So have you ever been in love?” I questioned pulling my hand from him.

“Once or so I thought I was at the time.” I immediately became engrossed. “Trust me it isn't a very long story at all. I met her when I was at Notre Dame and after graduation we moved back to Pennsylvania together. It was a time when I had started getting my life organized and realizing what I wanted from the future. My mistake was getting engaged and spending an enormous amount of money on the wedding before I told her that I wanted to be a teacher.

A week before we were to get married she told me that she couldn't imagine living as a teacher’s wife. She had assumed that I was destined for bigger and better things. To put it simply she wanted a rich life like my father had provided for his family. So in order to keep her I had to choose a different career. Once I told her that I wasn't changing my mind she walked out the door.”

“You didn't go after her?”

“Oh, I thought about it. I really did.” Ben laughed. “But you know what’s weird. After the door shut I realized that I didn't care if she was gone. It didn't hit me until then that I did not love her. I cared about her, but I didn't love her. I realized then that life could go on without her. I mean to really love someone wouldn't it kill you just to not have them in your life. That’s what I’m looking for, someone that would end my world.”

“Well, aren't you just a sweetheart.” I joked about it, but in truth I thought it was beautiful. “I take it that you haven’t found her yet.”

“Not yet.” Ben took my hand in his. “Now, I don’t want you to get your hopes up, but I don’t think it will be you. I know it would be a glorious to have a woman like you around my arm until I grow old, but it would never last. I couldn't love you like I want to love someone.”

I ripped my hand away from his, “Don’t worry I’ll never call you a sweetheart again.”

“I know how you like older men.” Ben smiled as he dove into my eyes. “I just didn't want you to fall for me without knowing that I could never love you.”

“Benno, if I were looking for love I would have…” My words slowed to a stop as Blythe crossed my mind as well as  Mathieu, Michael and Marcus. “If I were looking for love I wouldn't have to search very far. I don’t want love in my life.”

“Well then it is settled.” Ben held out his hand and I shook it. “Friends.”

“Friends.” I agreed.

Ben leaned in once more, but this time he got uncomfortably close, “Friends with benefits?”

I slid back to the other side of the couch quickly pushing him away with my foot, “No, I don’t think so.”

“Can you blame a man for trying?” Ben laughed, “No really, I just wanted to see what you wanted out of this.”

“Sure you did.” I didn't believe him. “You know I’m really surprised that you haven’t run off yet.”

“I told Anthony that I would stay until he returns.” Ben lifted my feet up onto his lap and started rubbing them. “Only another thirty minutes until they get back, and then I can run without ever looking back.”

I jolted up in my seat, “No, you have to come back to help Anthony study.”

“I was just joking, Ash, but I don’t think I will be able to come around like I have been. You are obviously better and will be returning to school leaving me no reason for our visits.” Ben seemed disheartened by his statement.

“Ben, I have no plans to go back to school.”

“What are your plans then?”

“If I told you then I would have to kill you.”

“Seriously, Ash.”

I grew intense as I stared at Ben, “Honestly, if I told you my plans I would have to kill you. That also goes for if you mention one word to anyone about my family. Do you understand?”

Ben drew in his lips and stared intently, “Who would I tell?”

His answer wasn't very satisfying, and I was ready to demand the one I had wanted. While I was trying to contemplate whether I should physically demand or just verbally request a better one there was a slight commotion behind us. I turned to find Matt coming through the doorway. There was a surprised look on his face finding both Ben and I on the couch together, but after studying my face he retreated back to the other side of the threshold. “Hey, Anthony is taking Trinity home. I was going to take him to check out this band that is playing tonight.”

“Oh, where?” I questioned. The idea sounded wonderful even coming from his lips. I hadn't been out of the house for nearly three weeks now and this was the perfect time. My body was healed and ready to face the world once more. Plus, I knew this life was going to be short lived anyway so why not enjoy myself while I could.

“At a club,” Matt glanced between Ben and me for a moment before his eyes landed on me. He stepped in over the threshold again and closer to me, “You are looking much… What the hell happened to my stereo?”

“Blame your father.” I answered swinging my feet away from Ben and stood up. “I’ll fix it, but not until Ben is out of the house. Give me five minutes, I’m going to go with you guys.”

Matt’s eyes rested on Ben as he started getting up from the couch. Ben stayed as far away from Matt as he could. “But you’re sick, Ash.”

“Benno, do you want to come? It will be fun.” I grinned trying to give Matt a simple hint that he knew some more into our life now, but it didn't work as Matt started towards me. “We’ll go check out this band that Matt likes, have a few drinks, and bring our not so pleasant evening to a close on a decent note.”

Matt stopped and glared through me, “Ash, no.”

Ben headed to the front door, “Not that it hasn't been fun, but I think I've actually had enough surprises for one night. I also have to get up early tomorrow anyway.”

My defiant stare left Matt and I looked to Ben, “Tomorrow is Sunday? Come on Ben.”

“I teach a Sunday School class.” Ben opened the front door and this was the point I was sure he was waiting for. 

“Fine, go.” I waved and Ben was out the door without a second glance back inside. “Happy now you've chased him off?”

“Ash!” Matt clasped a hold of my shoulders shaking me, “Have you completely lost it? Why would you invite him?”

Pushing both of my hands into Matt’s chest I shoved him away from me. “Well, it wouldn't be as hard to take him with us as it was for him to watch me die right in front of him and then come back.”

Matt cursed and kicked his stereo, “Then he heard music automatically start playing. So you smashed it.”

While Matt was contemplating everything I quickly changed and got myself ready for the night ahead of us. The stereo began reassembling itself and once it was sitting complacently on the shelf again the song that had began earlier started then died instantly. A song began playing that I didn't recognize and it brought Matt out of the mood he was in. His eyes fell on me, “I guess if you are ready then.”

I held out my hand and Matt took it without another word. The world faded around us to leave us standing in a dark alley where Anthony was waiting. His suit had changed into a plain t-shirt and jeans with his hair down casually brushing his shoulders. He smiled once he saw Matt, but once he saw me his lips drooped. I shook my head and then motioned for us to get inside before the band was done for the night.

The blinding light from the sun crawled in under my eyelids waking me from the darkness of peaceful sleep. I groaned and pulled the blanket up over my head. It didn’t matter which way I turned or cut the light from my eyes, I couldn’t get back to sleep. Finally I flung the blanket off of me exposing a whole different world. I had imagined it would be there, but this one was at least a decent scene to wake up to. It most definitely wasn’t some of the dumps that I had woken up in times before.

I got up and began searching for my clothes. After looking over nearly everything in the room I hadn’t found one article of my clothing so I grabbed a t-shirt off the floor. It was a small fit but it covered me graciously. I had thought about just going home, but I wanted to know exactly who I was with last night. Walking out the door I searched my memories, but I had drunk too much leaving them completely blank.

I realized looking out the window that I was still in the city, and I listened closely for any life in the apartment. There was a faint sound of what I thought was music, but if it was it was a live recording. I could hear the screaming fans in the background singing along with the band. I followed it which led me to a man sitting comfortably at a desk watching footage of a show I assumed.

“Morning.” I greeted him.

The man turned the chair and held out his coffee. I was surprised at how good looking he was covered in tattoos. Thin straight black hair fell down to his shoulders where the tattoos started from underneath his shirt. “Afternoon.”

“Um,” I leaned back against the desk still feeling a bit unbalanced, “Do you have any idea where my clothes might be?”

He began laughing, “All over Chicago.”

Rubbing my eyes I tried to remember, but still there was nothing. “So did we?”

“Na, you’re not my type. I’m more into,” He made a motion that my bust was not big enough. “Bigger women.”

“Nice.” I held out my hand and introduced myself, “I’m Ash.”

“Brian.” He took my hand. “I should be pissed at you, but I think I might offer you a job instead.”

“Why?” I questioned as he turned back to the computer.

“So how’s my little rebel yell?” A familiar voice called out behind me, but I couldn’t place it. I turned to see who it was, but my effort was halted by a pair of lips meeting mine. I had no doubt now that whoever this was, was the one I was with last night. Backing away I looked him over. Black dreads fell down over his shoulders and down his chest. Tattoos covered him from his neck down to his fingertips. His smile was perfect and his eyes were as well. There was a small patch of hair just below his bottom lip which just made him all that much better.

I smiled at him then turned to Brian and exclaimed, “He’s yummy.”

The man who had his arm around my waist pointed to me with a gigantic grin, “Do you hear that? She thinks I’m yummy.”

“I bet she thought so last night too.” Brian chuckled still staring at the computer screen. He started playing the video that he was watching. His voice came out of the speakers, “Hey, what the hell is going on?”

I leaned over slightly to watch the view from the camera shift from Brian on stage to a balcony. A group of people all had their backs to the band watching something behind them. I had immediately assumed that it was a barroom brawl, but after watching for a few moments I was hanging over the balcony wall screaming. “Why did you stop?”

When there was no response I began strutting my way down towards the stage. I watched myself walking down the stairs in nothing but a short skirt and my bra. I had made it down to the floor in front of the stage with the crowd spreading out around me. Swiftly I hurled myself up on the stage with the band. The image then paused.

“I’ve never seen anyone jump onto a stage like that.” Brian looked up at me. “That was a four and a half foot vertical barrier. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a woman as drunk and as graceful as you were.”

I had to agree with him. If I was so drunk that I couldn’t remember it then I was completely unable to use my powers. I had done it all on my own. I just wished that I could remember it.

The man whose arm was around me squeezed lightly, “You stole the show last night.”

“Yeah, you made us abandon our original set list just so we could just watch you finish stripping. But after you came on stage the crowd did get livelier, and bigger.” Brian laughed, “That’s why I have to do this. Would you be able to do that for every one of our shows? I’ll pay you with Derrick for each and every show you do for us.”

Derrick turned and wrapped his arms around me letting his hands slide very south, “What do you say?”

I pushed him back lightly, “Now, that would be crude to all your groupies. I’m sorry, but I can’t do it.”

Determination grew into Derrick’s eyes, “I’ve never felt what you made me feel last night. I can’t just let you walk away.”

“Awe, aren’t you sweet,” I kissed him on the cheek and turned to face Brian. Holding out my hand, “It was nice meeting you.”

“You’re leaving?” They both questioned.

Stepping back away from Derrick his arms fell from around me. I smiled and looked down at my souvenir t-shirt. “As well as a very talented stripper and pleaser, I also do magic. Do you want to see some?”

They both looked at me confused and then they were gone.

Carefully I placed the t-shirt that I wore home into my closet adding it to my collection. I relaxed back into the hot water that I had started running when I first greeted Brian. I had hoped for peace and quiet to unwind in, but someone had other plans.

The sound that was crooning somewhere throughout the house was horrid. The voice was off beat and terribly out of tune. I tried to pay a bit closer attention, but I couldn’t understand one word that was being sung. Inevitably I did everything within my power to block out his voice, but the harder I tried the louder he got which just made his song worse.

I had finally had enough and dressed myself. I found myself down in the kitchen to see if the sound would be lost throughout the house. It was not, but it was faint. I grabbed a gallon of milk out of the fridge and slammed it onto the counter as he grew louder. “God, what is he going on about?”

“I’m not quite sure, but he’s been at it since six o’clock this morning.” Anthony startled me. I glanced over to the counter where he was sitting with Ben. “This is, or was, the quietest room in the house.”

“Is he here or just…” I started to inquire as looked to Ben who was sitting with his hands over his ears and shaking his head.

Anthony pulled the toothpick out of his mouth pointing it up stairs, “He’s been parked outside your bedroom door with a bottle of vodka clenched firmly within his fingers. I can’t make out a word, but I think his tune is getting better.”
            “I think your tone deaf.” Ben exclaimed. “It was better earlier.”

I got myself a bowl of cereal shaking my head. “I think I’m going back to Chicago.”

“So that is where you disappeared to last night.” Anthony chuckled. “Matt got your shoes for you.”

“Now if I could just get the whole outfit back.” I laughed staring at the ceiling while the singing drooped into a low hum. “What language is that anyway?”

“Latin.” I saw out of the corner of my eye Matt appeared in the doorway. “Well, if it isn’t the mother of the year.”

I tried my hardest to ignore him as I glowered at my bowl. “Matt, go away, please.”

“Only if you go to him,” Matt glanced towards the stairs. “I was wrong the other day, but you can’t hide it anymore. He knows Ashley.”

“He knows what?” I stared at him confused.

Ben made himself heard, “If it will shut him up, you have to go talk to him.”

“If you don’t like it, then go home.” I look fiercely at Ben and then towards Matt. “I’m not talking to him. I prefer not to go anywhere near him.”

“How could love change? Never remaining the same. There is no one to blame for this pain. Reach down inside, but the unwanted love will never die.” Matt began interpreting Marcus’ lyrics causing a shot through my heart. It was beginning to be sliced with the sharp edge of that unwanted love he was speaking of. “Ash, you can’t hide now.”

Without touching my bowl I sent it flying across the kitchen to watch it smash against the wall. All of this just moved up my plans for ridding me of this love. I pushed myself to my room and inside the palm of my hand I held the red crystal ball.

Now that I knew he was singing words that I had written of my love for him just provoked me even more. I gathered within myself all the pain that I had ever felt for him and I pushed it forward into the orb. I watched horrified as it shattered into a million pieces leaving a dust of red glitter in my hand.

Quickly I put it back together and opened my door to find a pitiful looking Marcus sitting against the wall just as Anthony had said with a bottle of vodka stuck in his hand. The only thing he forgot to mention was the numerous empty bottles that surrounded him. Marcus looked up at me allowing the shame to pour from his eyes. He stopped his incoherent singing only to mumble something in Latin.

I shoved the ball into Marcus’ empty hand, “You wanted my love, now you have all of it.”

Marcus studied the ball, “If you truly loved me you couldn’t do that.”

“Well, I did.”